If your preference is based on race or alleged racial traits or characteristics that you think are associated to someone based on race it's Racist. :blobkfingerguns

No further questions.
I disagree.

Racist people generally have preferences based on race or alleged traits, but people who have preferences based on race isn't always racist.
 
So explain to me how not wanting to date anyone that isn't white isn't racist.
People's preference gets influence thru the people and society they are brought up for various reasons. Just because they don't want to date outside their race or colour doesn't mean they are racist.

I was part of a Korean Church for a long time (I am not Korean). 80% of them date Koreans and married Koreans only. Most of them are Australian born Koreans. Those guys are some of the most wonderful people I met in my life.

My personal experience. During my teens, I only want to date and have friends with people of the same ethnicity. It was simply how my brain was wired subconsciously throughout my life.

By uni, I was abit more open minded but still prefer Asians. By 24, about 20% of women I dated were not Asians. Again, preference and everyone is different.

I will say though, people who only dated within their race are missing out... big time... cultural, social and physical experiences.
 

Island

In the Sun
Moderator
If you're trying to wife up and have kids, wanting a partner from the same background is fair. Plenty of people consider their culture and heritage to be super important and it's fair to want to pass that along.

It's sketchy when you're talking about something as trivial as "my glorious Mayflower genes" or when you say stuff about wanting a world full of white people, but in general, I don't think it's inherently racist to be concerned about the future of your heritage, culture, and all that stuff.
 
People's preference gets influence thru the people and society they are brought up for various reasons. Just because they don't want to date outside their race or colours doesn't mean they are racist.

I was part of a Korean Church for a long time (I am not Korean). 80% of them date Koreans and married Koreans only. Most of them are Australian born Koreans. Those guys are some of the most wonderful people I met in my life.

My personal experience. During my teens, I only want to date and have friends with people of the same ethnicity. It was simply how my brain was wired subconsciously throughout my life.

By uni, I was abit more open minded l, by still prefer Asians. By 24, about 20% of women I dated were not Asians. Again, preference and everyone is different.

i will say though, people who only date within their race are missing out... big time... cultural, social and physical experiences.
See there is a difference between identifying people culturally similar to you and procluding yourself from dating an entire race.
 
Actually, participants in speed dates have only five minutes to interact with each other, so that is not sufficient time to ask about previous dates, so, perhaps, I should wait until I match with a woman and have a full proper date to ask about previous dates.
yeah 5 minutes isn't good...

I would still try it. Attempting a fun conversation is still better than having an interview conversation (job, hobbies, school, etc).
 

ClannadFan

The OG Dango
DDJ reminds me of a friend I had who claimed to only like black guys (She never had a BF before) Another friend of mine thought she was cute so we introduced him to her (He was a smooth white guy) He took her virginity in less than a week lmao.

That racial preference shit usually goes out the window the moment an attractive, and likeable person from a race you claim you wouldn't date, shows interest in you.
 
yeah 5 minutes isn't good...

I would still try it. Attempting a fun conversation is still better than having an interview conversation (job, hobbies, school, etc).
You have alot of patients, lol.

I agree and not only that, if the girl actually have a funny / bad experience I would even keep going, joke about it, tease her, tell her about my funny experience, tease myself back, let it last for 4 mins and then ask for her number.

Screw those interview questions. Boring af.
 

Vagrant Tom

The Stoic Hermit
DDJ went from not wanting to date to wanting to associate with!

That racial preference shit usually goes out the window the moment an attractive, and likeable person from a race you claim you wouldn't date, shows interest in you.

That's exactly what would happen in DDJs case.
 

Aegon Targaryen

The Shield That Guards The Realm of Men
I think having preferences is fine, but precluding an entire racial or ethnic group...definitely reeks of racism.

Those Korean congregants @Shanks knew may have reasons to date and marry only Koreans. Perhaps there's a linguistic barrier (even if you know the language, communication can hit bumps due to things like accent and different word choices for the same meaning - trust me, I have faced that exact same thing). Admittedly second generation immigrants are less likely to suffer this issue than their parents, but depending on how they were raised, still possible.

Perhaps they feel excluded from the rest of the Australian community on some other level (too). Racism and xenophobia (subtle or overt) exist. This may sound controversial, but Korea is not as progressive as Australia in general (the culture is rooted in Confucian ideals, which are conservative), and Korean immigrants may not necessarily have bought into Australian values fully.

Ethnic enclaves may also isolate Koreans from actually being in the position to question their preferences. If you're surrounded mainly by ethnic Koreans anyway and have little to no exposure to other groups, why would you even consider dating someone who looks different? I mean, you may consider it, but you won't feel pushed to actually do it. Even younger or second gen Korean Australians may simply go along with what their parents want rather than rocking the boat.

Also, having racist ideas in itself does not make you a shitty person. There's levels to this shit. The ideas nevertheless should be mocked and discredited, but as long as they don't harm others directly or indirectly (think racist slurs, violence, or political action), they are kinda whatever in comparison.

Idk, I just feel this is a really interesting discussion.
 
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Mihawk

"I don't bother to remember the face of every insect I crush..."
Ever since I swallowed that Red Pill, I been tryna get clean :facepalm


I think having preferences is fine, but precluding an entire racial or ethnic group...definitely reeks of racism.

Those Korean congregants @Shanks knew may have reasons to date and marry only Koreans. Perhaps there's a linguistic barrier (even if you know the language, communication can hit bumps due to things like accent and different word choices for the same meaning - trust me, I have faced that exact same thing). Admittedly second generation immigrants are less likely to suffer this issue than their parents, but depending on how they were raised, still possible.

Also, having racist ideas in itself does not make you a shitty person. There's levels to this shit. The ideas nevertheless should be mocked and discredited, but as long as they don't harm others directly or indirectly (think racist slurs, violence, or political action), they are kinda whatever in comparison.

Idk, I just feel this is a really interesting discussion.

Bruh this is a very common thing with local Asians I feel like. I've experienced it first hand and have observed it many times.

Usually it starts out as excitement (on their part) dating a foreigner or someone who isn't a local. Now, there are linguistic barriers but in cases where communication actually isn't a problem (where the foreigner can speak the native language fluently and/or the Korean/Chinese/Asian can speak english and understand), it still wouldn't matter in the end for some.

Over time, some of those cultural differences do emerge and they begin to gravitate back towards the familiar. This is especially true if they were dating an ethnic minority rather than say, a caucasian or something like that. After the state of infatuation wears off, they wanna go back to "their own kind".

Is it outright racism in the offensive sense? I guess not, but it's definitely subconscious. It gets more complicated when friends and family or colleagues are involved. The female may begin to feel like there is incompatibility in values or whatever...only they would know. The input of the people around them sure doesn't help, as it puts more pressure on them.

At the end of the day though, I personally think it's fucking stupid. If you like or even fall for someone and want to be with them, that shit shouldn't really matter unless there are truly irreconcilable differences or a lack of compromising. But I find that it's just the society we live in and stress being a major contributor. Maybe my PoV might be considered unrealistic/naive, but I've seen lots of useless people giving trash advice and weak-willed men and women whom give into the negativity. That's why it's always just better not to surround yourself with losers...
 

Aegon Targaryen

The Shield That Guards The Realm of Men
Ever since I swallowed that Red Pill, I been tryna get clean :facepalm




Bruh this is a very common thing with local Asians I feel like. I've experienced it first hand and have observed it many times.

Usually it starts out as excitement (on their part) dating a foreigner or someone who isn't a local. Now, there are linguistic barriers but in cases where communication actually isn't a problem (where the foreigner can speak the native language fluently and/or the Korean/Chinese/Asian can speak english and understand), it still wouldn't matter in the end for some.

Over time, some of those cultural differences do emerge and they begin to gravitate back towards the familiar. This is especially true if they were dating an ethnic minority rather than say, a caucasian or something like that. After the state of infatuation wears off, they wanna go back to "their own kind".

Is it outright racism in the offensive sense? I guess not, but it's definitely subconscious. It gets more complicated when friends and family or colleagues are involved. The female may begin to feel like there is incompatibility in values or whatever...only they would know. The input of the people around them sure doesn't help, as it puts more pressure on them.

At the end of the day though, I personally think it's fucking stupid. If you like or even fall for someone and want to be with them, that shit shouldn't really matter unless there are truly irreconcilable differences or a lack of compromising. But I find that it's just the society we live in and stress being a major contributor. Maybe my PoV might be considered unrealistic/naive, but I've seen lots of useless people giving trash advice and weak-willed men and women whom give into the negativity. That's why it's always just better not to surround yourself with losers...

You hit the nail on the head. Props :Mshad

I would not rule out the possibility of Korean (or other Asian) Australians being on the receiving end of cultural differences themselves, though. Assimilation is a two-way street and even Aussies who aren't remotely flaming racists are not necessarily above subconsciously or unconsciously shunning POCs or treating them ''differently''. You know, microaggressions and all - I know the term has become a bit of a joke, but they do happen. Incidentally, I just remembered two possible examples from my own life.

When I was in my first year of undergrad, I met this cute white girl (a blonde) in a dining area. She was sitting by herself and I wanted to introduce myself, partly because she was pretty but also partly because I lacked confidence in front of girls and wanted to try powering through my fears. We had a pretty friendly conversation and she even asked to take a picture with me afterwards completely unprompted, to which I happily agreed.

About a week or so later, she shares many photos she took in honor of her time at the college so far - except the one of her and me. She had photos with other friends and her family (who came to visit her), but not the one of me. At risk of presuming too much, perhaps she did not want a picture with this brown dude - yes, I'm brown - because her white family didn't want to see it. Hasan Minhaj had a similar experience, albeit he was actually dating the girl. She dumped him at prom for a white dude...because of her family.

In addition, my own friends from undergrad had very few POC friends - a Japanese dude and myself aside. One even had slightly racist beliefs to the point I stopped speaking to him for quite some time. He's a cool guy in general, but he had problematic ideas for sure.
 
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Having preferences isn't racist. If it was then plenty of people in different scenarios would be racist (especially people who marry within their culture). They aren't. Its just on a much lower scale of messed up, but not racism bad, not even close.

Racism is defined by the prejudice, discrimination, or antagonism of races.


I dont think DDJ understands fully what is being asked of him here and the questions seem pretty loaded. Its pretty serious to accuse someone of being racist.
 

Aegon Targaryen

The Shield That Guards The Realm of Men
Having preferences isn't racist

If you are responding to me...

I think having preferences is fine, but precluding an entire racial or ethnic group...definitely reeks of racism.

Try reading what I actually say first.

Also, as far as the seriousness of racism...

Also, having racist ideas in itself does not make you a shitty person. There's levels to this shit. The ideas nevertheless should be mocked and discredited, but as long as they don't harm others directly or indirectly (think racist slurs, violence, or political action), they are kinda whatever in comparison.

Granted, you and I may merely have a disagreement over terminology, as you seem to accept it is messed up - just on a much lower scale.
 

Mihawk

"I don't bother to remember the face of every insect I crush..."
You hit the nail on the head. Props :Mshad

I would not rule out the possibility of Korean (or other Asian) Australians being on the receiving end of cultural differences themselves, though. Assimilation is a two-way street and even Aussies who aren't remotely flaming racists are not necessarily above subconsciously or unconsciously shunning POCs or treating them ''differently''. You know, microaggressions and all - I know the term has become a bit of a joke, but they do happen. Incidentally, I just remembered two possible examples from my own life.

When I was in my first year of undergrad, I met this cute white girl (a blonde) in a dining area. She was sitting by herself and I wanted to introduce myself, partly because she was pretty but also partly because I lacked confidence in front of girls and wanted to try powering through my fears. We had a pretty friendly conversation and she even asked to take a picture with me afterwards completely unprompted, to which I happily agreed.

About a week or so later, she shares many photos she took in honor of her time at the college so far - except the one of her and me. She had photos with other friends and her family (who came to visit her), but not the one of me. At risk of presuming too much, perhaps she did not want a picture with this brown dude - yes, I'm brown - because her white family didn't want to see it. Hasan Minhaj had a similar experience, albeit he was actually dating the girl. She dumped him at prom for a white dude...because of her family.

In addition, my own friends from undergrad had very few POC friends - a Japanese dude and myself aside. One even had slightly racist beliefs to the point I stopped speaking to him for quite some time. He's a cool guy in general, but he had problematic ideas for sure.

She was a conceited bitch and her family
ain’t shit. Hope you didn’t take it to heart to much though it’s easily said than done. Privilege is a thing and while it’s been ages since I’ve found myself in the mix with a white community, I can definitely imagine the scenario.

Still not all of them are like that of course. I’d say what you had was one bad experience with a self absorbed and insecure person.

I myself am mixed, but gravitate to possessing a lighter complexion. Doesn’t make a huge difference tho. Sometimes it could be a subconscious cultural barrier, or maybe just the fact that both parties are incompatible due to personality issues.
 
I’ve read that Asian men and black women face the most prejudice when it comes to dating. That’s pretty awful and it does seem like a form of racism. Maybe it’s not intentional racism on an individual level but more about what mainstream culture promotes as desirable. In any case, saying you wouldn’t date anyone from an entire racial group is just dumb.
 

VileNotice

Well-Known Member
You hit the nail on the head. Props :Mshad

I would not rule out the possibility of Korean (or other Asian) Australians being on the receiving end of cultural differences themselves, though. Assimilation is a two-way street and even Aussies who aren't remotely flaming racists are not necessarily above subconsciously or unconsciously shunning POCs or treating them ''differently''. You know, microaggressions and all - I know the term has become a bit of a joke, but they do happen. Incidentally, I just remembered two possible examples from my own life.

When I was in my first year of undergrad, I met this cute white girl (a blonde) in a dining area. She was sitting by herself and I wanted to introduce myself, partly because she was pretty but also partly because I lacked confidence in front of girls and wanted to try powering through my fears. We had a pretty friendly conversation and she even asked to take a picture with me afterwards completely unprompted, to which I happily agreed.

About a week or so later, she shares many photos she took in honor of her time at the college so far - except the one of her and me. She had photos with other friends and her family (who came to visit her), but not the one of me. At risk of presuming too much, perhaps she did not want a picture with this brown dude - yes, I'm brown - because her white family didn't want to see it. Hasan Minhaj had a similar experience, albeit he was actually dating the girl. She dumped him at prom for a white dude...because of her family.

In addition, my own friends from undergrad had very few POC friends - a Japanese dude and myself aside. One even had slightly racist beliefs to the point I stopped speaking to him for quite some time. He's a cool guy in general, but he had problematic ideas for sure.
I mean were you actually friends or just had that one convo? It would be odd for her to post a pic of a guy she met once, but it’s more odd she took the picture in the first place tbh
 

Aegon Targaryen

The Shield That Guards The Realm of Men
She was a conceited bitch and her family ain’t shit. Hope you didn’t take it to heart to much though it’s easily said than done. Privilege is a thing and while it’s been ages since I’ve found myself in the mix with a white community, I can definitely imagine the scenario

Thank you for your supportive words :zamahug

I wouldn't call her a conceited bitch though. I'm inclined to give her some benefit of the doubt, not least because some families can be kinda tyrannical towards their children (not necessarily abusive, but still very controlling and somewhat demeaning).

Still not all of them are like that of course. I’d say what you had was one bad experience with a self absorbed and insecure person

Nah, I agree. I definitely don't believe all white girls (or people) are like that haha.

I myself am mixed, but gravitate to possessing a lighter complexion. Doesn’t make a huge difference tho. Sometimes it could be a subconscious cultural barrier, or maybe just the fact that both parties are incompatible due to personality issues.

Could be.
 

Aegon Targaryen

The Shield That Guards The Realm of Men
I mean were you actually friends or just had that one convo?

Just had that one convo. We may have seen each other before, very likely in fact. I definitely saw her before.

It would be odd for her to post a pic of a guy she met once

Agreed tbf. I would not do that if the situations were reversed.

but it’s more odd she took the picture in the first place tbh

Also agreed.

I’ve read that Asian men and black women face the most prejudice when it comes to dating. That’s pretty awful and it does seem like a form of racism. Maybe it’s not intentional racism on an individual level but more about what mainstream culture promotes as desirable. In any case, saying you wouldn’t date anyone from an entire racial group is just dumb.

Yep.
 

Aegon Targaryen

The Shield That Guards The Realm of Men

Mihawk

"I don't bother to remember the face of every insect I crush..."
I’ve read that Asian men and black women face the most prejudice when it comes to dating. That’s pretty awful and it does seem like a form of racism. Maybe it’s not intentional racism on an individual level but more about what mainstream culture promotes as desirable. In any case, saying you wouldn’t date anyone from an entire racial group is just dumb.
Oh it’s definitely subconsciously ingrained.

Here in Hong Kong, local girls are obsessed with Korean dramas and the “ideal” boyfriend image lmao. Brown people don’t stand a chance, and even guys who are more westernised or mixed (like me) eventually get compared to either what they’re familiar with or what their ideal fantasies are. It’s a projection. Here they’re also very superficial and money oriented. But at the same time you can’t really win. Even if you come from money it doesn’t matter if you don’t fit the ideal trope. But I also think it just comes down to their own social circle and family expectations.
Thank you for your supportive words :zamahug

I wouldn't call her a conceited bitch though. I'm inclined to give her some benefit of the doubt, not least because some families can be kinda tyrannical towards their children (not necessarily abusive, but still very controlling and somewhat demeaning).
Sure parents can be narcs. But at the end of the day she’s her own person and can decide for herself. If she’s afraid of her family’s thoughts then it just shows she isn’t strong enough emotionally or mentally or mature enough.

Though I’m assuming this person wasn’t a girl you dated and more so a “friend”? :hmm either ways it’s a shitty way to treat someone.Not introducing or dating someone who’s part of an ethnic group the parents don’t approve of is one thing...but not openly interacting or even going out of ones way to exclude a photo of a friend because they’re worried their parents might see...? That’s just laughable imo and shows a lack of depth in character. Not your loss though...
 

Mihawk

"I don't bother to remember the face of every insect I crush..."
This is depressing to read, lol. Dudes, just get your games up! Don't blame the girl or her family, blame your inability to go full Romeo and Julia with her.
It’s only Romeo and Juliet if you both end up getting each other to kill themselves :pepecry
 

Aegon Targaryen

The Shield That Guards The Realm of Men
Sure parents can be narcs. But at the end of the day she’s her own person and can decide for herself. If she’s afraid of her family’s thoughts then it just shows she isn’t strong enough emotionally or mentally or mature enough.

True, true. I feel this may be part of the problem in the other cases you and Shanks mentioned.

I have a hard time going against family too, quite frankly (and not even because I fear them, but because that is how I have been culturally ingrained - to respect/not oppose your elders). It definitely seems to be the case in some families and cultures more than others.

Though I’m assuming this person wasn’t a girl you dated and more so a “friend”? :hmm

Never dated her lol (and not a friend either, more of an acquaintance) :mjlol

Just met her in the cafeteria after seeing her a number of times before.

either ways it’s a shitty way to treat someone.Not introducing or dating someone who’s part of an ethnic group the parents don’t approve of is one thing...but not openly interacting or even going out of ones way to exclude a photo of a friend because they’re worried their parents might see...? That’s just laughable imo and shows a lack of depth in character. Not your loss though...

Agreed.
 
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