Kakuzu
GB Imperator
Ok, so I mentioned that I had pwned an Uchiha dojo one day. First, I would like to say that all the events in this story are absolutely true.
It all started when I saw a familiar symbol while I was driving Loki and several of his cats to the vet one morning. I only saw it briefly, but it immediately raised in me an instinctive desire to kill and maim. Loki, still in the late stages of n00bdom, missed it completely. Much to Loki's dismay, I turned around to drive by it again, and sure enough, it was a cursed seal symbol on a sign for a dojo. Despite Loki's incessant babbling about the importance of getting his new kittens to the vet, I pulled into the parking lot to check it out.
[spoiler="Secret" Uchiha Dojo][/spoiler]
As Loki and I approached the door, I noticed a sign on it that read, "Join now! Get powers without training," and another that said, "no katana allowed." I raised an eyebrow, mildly amused, and proceeded to enter the building. However, I was not prepared for what would happened when I opened the door. The smell of a thousand piles of shit hit me as hard as Gai hitting an Uchiha. Loki fell to his knees instantly, but to his credit he quickly rose to his feet. I gasped slightly, but recovered immediately then took a look around the dojo. Any amusement I initially felt quickly vanished as I took in my surroundings.
In the main room I saw a dozen or so tards playing with matches and lighters. All of the tards were young, probably in their midteens. The tards would occasionally pathetically flail their arms about and chant "Katon, Gokakyu no Jutsu." Meanwhile, others were playing with kaleidoscopes. They ran around the room with the kaleidoscopes raised to their eyes until they ran into the walls or into each other and naturally began crying. As an Elite, this did not phase me in the least, but Loki's face turned noticeably pale. One of the oblivious kaleidoscope wielding Uchiha wannabes came dangerously close to colliding with us. Loki drew back and cringed as if he would catch some awful disease. Without looking, I disdainfully backhanded the tard across the room. The tard began to cry, but nobody took any notice as it was just another crying Uchiha.
Loki and I proceeded into the next room. Upon entering the room, the smell changed. It was now an overpowering smell of FEAR. The walls were covered with Sasuke, Itachi, and other Uchiha shit posters. Another crowd of tards occupied this room, but they were older than the last group. There were three TVs in the room that were all turned to the weather channel. The Uchiha tards huddled around the TVs, all of them shaking, and most of them crying. Apparently there was a 65% chance of rain that afternoon.
I sneered, but said nothing. Loki, who was not fully accustomed to some of the horrors that a GB veteran must often encounter, could not take any more. Unable to contain himself, he vomited all over the mountain of raincoats and umbrellas in the corner by the door where we entered. The tards were too fixated on the weather forecast to notice that anything had happened. I could understand how Loki was feeling. What he was seeing was indeed disgusting. After Loki composed himself, we crossed the room unnoticed and walked up to a door, but it was locked.
Loki, embarrassed by his previous display of weakness, took the initiative and activated his Byakugam. "There are four people in there. They are all sitting around a table in the center of the room," Loki said.
"LoL I know," I replied as I looked at Loki.
Loki looked down, "Oh...right." He had forgotten that a GB Elite's Byakugam is always activated.
I felt no need to be discreet, afterall, I was surrounded by Uchiha tards. Without missing a beat, I shattered the locked door with some of my tentacles. Once again, this failed to provoke a response from the Uchiha tards in the TV room. However, the four people inside the final room shot up out of their seats, obviously very startled. Surprisingly, after regaining their composure, they remained relatively calm. They all looked pretty much the same. They were all in their twenties with dark hair, boring facial features, shirts with the Uchiha clan symbol, and an aura that screamed emo. However, to top off this already pathetic sight, they all wore sharingan contact lenses. These were obviously the leaders of this Uchiha hideout.
Loki and I both LoLed, and this seemed to irritate the four Uchiha.
"Who are you? Are you here to join us?" one of them said in a nasal voice. Loki loled again, but I just smirked. The four leaders then noticed my eyes, and realization dawned on them. "What are you doing here?" another of them asked sharply. These Uchiha tards were definitely very experienced. They had fapped so much to Sasuke and Itachi that they had become too arrogant and stupid to realize that they were less than shit, and should be scared shitless.
"What are you doing here?" I asked in return as I closed the distance between myself and the four tards.
"I just asked you that, you fucking GB retard," the Uchiha with the nasal voice said. "Now GTF-"
The tard broke off in mid sentence as I Jyuukened him in the face so fast that it took several moments for this fact to register with his stunned comrades.
"B-b-but, only an Uchiha can kill another Uchiha," one of them stuttered, finally showing signs of fear.
Loki silenced this Uchiha tard with a Jyuuken as well, but due to a subconscious fascination with koks, Loki landed his blow below the belt. I'd say the Jyuuken to the face was more merciful.
"I'll show you the strength of the Uchiha!" the third tard cried. He formed a chidori in one hand. This one was obviously the senior among the leaders. He lunged at me weakly.
"LoL Mere chuunin level," I said as I casually sidestepped and grabbed him by the wrist and by his shoulder and guided back around into his last remaining comrade. The chidori pierced the final Uchiha tard's chest, ending his life before he could even shake with fear.
"Aha! Just as I planned! You have been caught in my genjutsu! I've just made you kill your own friend!" the senior Uchiha tard squealed in delight.
"LoL No. Genjutsu doesn't work on Byakugam," I said cruelly, "I'm the one who has made you kill your friend. You fail worse then Jiraiya." Before the senior Uchiha tard could realize the extent of his failure, Loki summoned a wet cat and threw it at the tard's face. The tard hit the floor with a muffled scream, and was promptly forgotten as Loki and I turned toward the table in the center of the room.
It all started when I saw a familiar symbol while I was driving Loki and several of his cats to the vet one morning. I only saw it briefly, but it immediately raised in me an instinctive desire to kill and maim. Loki, still in the late stages of n00bdom, missed it completely. Much to Loki's dismay, I turned around to drive by it again, and sure enough, it was a cursed seal symbol on a sign for a dojo. Despite Loki's incessant babbling about the importance of getting his new kittens to the vet, I pulled into the parking lot to check it out.
[spoiler="Secret" Uchiha Dojo][/spoiler]
As Loki and I approached the door, I noticed a sign on it that read, "Join now! Get powers without training," and another that said, "no katana allowed." I raised an eyebrow, mildly amused, and proceeded to enter the building. However, I was not prepared for what would happened when I opened the door. The smell of a thousand piles of shit hit me as hard as Gai hitting an Uchiha. Loki fell to his knees instantly, but to his credit he quickly rose to his feet. I gasped slightly, but recovered immediately then took a look around the dojo. Any amusement I initially felt quickly vanished as I took in my surroundings.
In the main room I saw a dozen or so tards playing with matches and lighters. All of the tards were young, probably in their midteens. The tards would occasionally pathetically flail their arms about and chant "Katon, Gokakyu no Jutsu." Meanwhile, others were playing with kaleidoscopes. They ran around the room with the kaleidoscopes raised to their eyes until they ran into the walls or into each other and naturally began crying. As an Elite, this did not phase me in the least, but Loki's face turned noticeably pale. One of the oblivious kaleidoscope wielding Uchiha wannabes came dangerously close to colliding with us. Loki drew back and cringed as if he would catch some awful disease. Without looking, I disdainfully backhanded the tard across the room. The tard began to cry, but nobody took any notice as it was just another crying Uchiha.
Loki and I proceeded into the next room. Upon entering the room, the smell changed. It was now an overpowering smell of FEAR. The walls were covered with Sasuke, Itachi, and other Uchiha shit posters. Another crowd of tards occupied this room, but they were older than the last group. There were three TVs in the room that were all turned to the weather channel. The Uchiha tards huddled around the TVs, all of them shaking, and most of them crying. Apparently there was a 65% chance of rain that afternoon.
I sneered, but said nothing. Loki, who was not fully accustomed to some of the horrors that a GB veteran must often encounter, could not take any more. Unable to contain himself, he vomited all over the mountain of raincoats and umbrellas in the corner by the door where we entered. The tards were too fixated on the weather forecast to notice that anything had happened. I could understand how Loki was feeling. What he was seeing was indeed disgusting. After Loki composed himself, we crossed the room unnoticed and walked up to a door, but it was locked.
Loki, embarrassed by his previous display of weakness, took the initiative and activated his Byakugam. "There are four people in there. They are all sitting around a table in the center of the room," Loki said.
"LoL I know," I replied as I looked at Loki.
Loki looked down, "Oh...right." He had forgotten that a GB Elite's Byakugam is always activated.
I felt no need to be discreet, afterall, I was surrounded by Uchiha tards. Without missing a beat, I shattered the locked door with some of my tentacles. Once again, this failed to provoke a response from the Uchiha tards in the TV room. However, the four people inside the final room shot up out of their seats, obviously very startled. Surprisingly, after regaining their composure, they remained relatively calm. They all looked pretty much the same. They were all in their twenties with dark hair, boring facial features, shirts with the Uchiha clan symbol, and an aura that screamed emo. However, to top off this already pathetic sight, they all wore sharingan contact lenses. These were obviously the leaders of this Uchiha hideout.
Loki and I both LoLed, and this seemed to irritate the four Uchiha.
"Who are you? Are you here to join us?" one of them said in a nasal voice. Loki loled again, but I just smirked. The four leaders then noticed my eyes, and realization dawned on them. "What are you doing here?" another of them asked sharply. These Uchiha tards were definitely very experienced. They had fapped so much to Sasuke and Itachi that they had become too arrogant and stupid to realize that they were less than shit, and should be scared shitless.
"What are you doing here?" I asked in return as I closed the distance between myself and the four tards.
"I just asked you that, you fucking GB retard," the Uchiha with the nasal voice said. "Now GTF-"
The tard broke off in mid sentence as I Jyuukened him in the face so fast that it took several moments for this fact to register with his stunned comrades.
"B-b-but, only an Uchiha can kill another Uchiha," one of them stuttered, finally showing signs of fear.
Loki silenced this Uchiha tard with a Jyuuken as well, but due to a subconscious fascination with koks, Loki landed his blow below the belt. I'd say the Jyuuken to the face was more merciful.
"I'll show you the strength of the Uchiha!" the third tard cried. He formed a chidori in one hand. This one was obviously the senior among the leaders. He lunged at me weakly.
"LoL Mere chuunin level," I said as I casually sidestepped and grabbed him by the wrist and by his shoulder and guided back around into his last remaining comrade. The chidori pierced the final Uchiha tard's chest, ending his life before he could even shake with fear.
"Aha! Just as I planned! You have been caught in my genjutsu! I've just made you kill your own friend!" the senior Uchiha tard squealed in delight.
"LoL No. Genjutsu doesn't work on Byakugam," I said cruelly, "I'm the one who has made you kill your friend. You fail worse then Jiraiya." Before the senior Uchiha tard could realize the extent of his failure, Loki summoned a wet cat and threw it at the tard's face. The tard hit the floor with a muffled scream, and was promptly forgotten as Loki and I turned toward the table in the center of the room.
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mew!.
lol at above
