A Short Story...


A great warrior fairy
Just a story I wrote last year...thought I'd share it and find out what people think of it... it takes place during WWII just thought i'd mention that.:

A Letter to Jacob

Streets were filled with crowds, cheering as we went to sign up for the army. The enthusiasm that filled the air was so thick it could have been cut with a knife. As we finally approached the building I looked over at you, you smiled so sure of yourself at that moment and at that moment I knew, that we were really doing this, the two of us together like always. We had always been inseparable; we had always been there for each other and this war, we thought, would keep us together not tear us apart like it was doing to so many people.

A few minutes later it was done, we were in the army, off to fight the Germans on the western front, those bastards who had taken so many lives. We walked out pieces of paper in our hands the only proof that we possessed that we were going into the army.

In those months after that we spent training for the front lines I will never forget what you said to me on the first day we got there: ?Always remember who you are and what you are fighting for ?cuz is ever going to change that.? When you said that I didn?t really know what you meant never knew how true those words would ring, ?cuz you weren?t talking about the war we were joining were you Jacob? You were talking about the fight all of us have inside, the demons we all have to face. Only God knows if you faced yours.

The training was hard to get through everyday some new strategy, some new weapon we had to wield. After a while I grew tired of it and I?m sure you did to, learning about these ways to kill men just like you and me, all those ways to die. Once I heard you having nightmares about it, you would scream and thrash in your bed. I often wondered what it was you were dreaming about that made you thrash and cry out. To tell you the truth I never asked because, I was sure not even you knew what you were facing. Everyone always seems to forget the lore that lies to them waiting in their dreams. The thing that always terrified me most was to be one on those guys in the bombers, I certainly don?t envy them dropping bombs that could explode in your hand, never knowing if or when you would be shot down by the enemy making nothing but a fiery mess upon the ground. Those guys are braver than most. Some say they?re stupider than most but I say its bravery just pure bravery flying or even riding in one of those things.

Soon the day will come for us to be deployed to Europe, you should have seen the look on your face that day, you were so happy to finally get out of training so very happy and I was happy that you were happy. Your happiness was all that mattered to me Jacob. You were all that mattered.

One the way to the front lines we crosses the Atlantic Ocean. I never saw why the British call it crossing the pond; no pond would ever take two weeks to cross. On the ship we often grew bored, we would listen to stories men had to tell and at times tell some of our own stories of out misadventures. Those stories kept me going throughout the trip, kept my mind off of what we soon would be doing and what I believed you would be doing too.

Then that day came it was such a horrid day so many men, so many men lost their lives that day. So many men who we had just talked with the day before, shared stories with were now gone. The ship was quickly taking on water due to a German U-boat missile and many men we trapped below and you wanted to go below. You were always such a soft-heart; you were always feeling someone else?s pain. I fought you, telling you that it was too dangerous and that there was not enough time. Why didn?t you come with me why couldn?t I make you go? Why did I submit to you like I always do even though I knew that it was such a bad idea? You just went down below desperate to save them, to save them all and I just followed you like always, helping you because I could not stand to have you mad at me. You went down so far into the ship that water surrounded you. We both had to hold out breathes yet you still went to help those who could possibly still be alive unafraid. All the bodies we swam past looked like water-logged rats their bodies mangled together. Finally after finding on one you had, had enough and we swam back. I don?t really know what happened then but, somehow I lost you. I made it out of their alive and you didn?t. It happened so suddenly I wasn?t sure how I just looked behind me once as I was swimming and I didn?t see you like I had before. There was no time to look for you so I lost you. I will never forgive myself for letting you go, for letting you die.

I found my way out among the wreckage like many men did. Now I?m sitting here on the front lines dodging enemy fire and making sure that I?m not hit by gas. I miss you Jacob. I sure am glad though that you aren?t here to see this or hear this, the cries of men in the night are enough to chill the bone. So many die and are dying each day. So many are just left to stare at you their eyes blank as you try to do the same thing to the enemy on the other side. It is just unbearable to see. At times like this I wish I could die and join you. Suicide won?t get me anywhere close to you though.

I was suddenly blind by what seemed like nothing until a few minutes later when a putrid smell filled my nostrils. I felt my life flying before me as I realized that that gas had gotten me and so many others around me. I knew that I was dying I just knew it so I decided not I let my life be wasted and went flying out of the trenches to make my last stand. Unfortunately, I forgot about the barbed wire barricade.

So slowly bleeding I lay writing letters in my head to you. Telling you our very own war story of how we will still be heroes to each other. My friend I will be joining you soon so I can tell you myself everything that happened while you were away. I?ll see you soon in those big blue skies Jacob.
Nice imagery and passionately written, overall it's a nice short, but you need to watch your syntax. There are many places where a comma would make the passage so much more readable. A small thing, but these stick out.
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