He left on Thursday. An unknown future for him, me, and us.

The hardest day was that first one after I dropped him off at the airport. I stood watching the crowd after he disappeared into it and wished that I was one of them; going somewhere instead of staying behind. Looking towards an adventure rather than back to emptiness.

I cried so hard that day and every memory was so bright and vivid that it hurt to think. It didn't help that I had a test the next day. I barely remember how I did.

I got the film developed today of our last few days together. It was on those old-style disposable cameras. He left it with me and told me to use up the last few pics it had on it.

So I went back home to CC this weekend intent to use them on one of my favorite subjects: the sea.

I went to the beach and stood in the water and let the waves do their best to try and knock me down. It was a nice choppy day. Just what I needed.

The pictures of it didn't turn out great but hey it was a disposable camera. The experience of it helped to calm my heart. A little.

I talk to him in drips and drabs on the internet though his connection is crappy in his hotel. I know he is suffering from culture shock and misses home. He will be ok.

I wish he had stayed though. I miss him and I am lonely.