I often look at my life as a bad romantic comedy. Not bad in the sense that it is poorly written, but in the sense that it never ends with the guy and the girl getting together.

It's just the sad, awkward, hilarious parts that make it into my "directors cut", if you will. The director being the unseen Hand of God.

It always starts well, like the part of the movie where the protagonist meets the girl of his dreams, then she sees him in some horribly miscontrued position and she breaks off all ties. Except for in my movie, I never prove to her it was just a misunderstanding, I wasn't having sex with that woman, I was trying to force the zipper up from behind. It just ends.

In short, every woman I date thinks I did it doggy-style with a woman in a dressing room when I was supposed to be out of town or in a staff meeting. :mad