She pressed her elbows against the countertop and cupped her face between her hands, and looked her companion in the eye.
?You know, I?m not a very angry person. I?m usually not much good at it. I burn out too fast. Depressed? Yeah, I can agree with that. Bitter? Only when I?ve squeezed the life out of lemons so my water matches my mood.?
She watched his eyes look down to her glass. Lemon guts floating between ice cubes. She let her eyes drop to the glass, and she felt the bitter taste returning to her tongue.
She didn?t think it had ever disappeared, truthfully.
She lifted her gaze to his face though, it was important. This was an important moment for her.
?I do, however, find myself angry when someone denies my very existence. As if I were never there. My absence has meant nothing. I was yesterday?s trash. Do you know what that is like??
She felt her lips pull into a wide grin, and venom oozed from between her teeth and dropped to the table with her voice.
?No, no you don?t. You?ve never had to lose. I know. You?re speechless. Right? Of course I am right!? She slapped her hand down on the table, though any good natured humor was missing from her voice and her hand was still itching despite the burn of impact.
?I was right from the god damn start! I was misguided midway. I was desperate as the end neared. I was heartbroken though when it was done. Through and through. You got me good, Sugar. All my defense work was for naught. I always prided myself on my defense work.? Her voice rose steadily, and her eyes grew wide. Her conversational, cool manner was long gone.
?I killed myself through YOU!? She roared the last word, and her hands were balled into fists at her sides. ?I?m waiting for you to lose, and oh you?ll fucking lose hard for this. I?m waiting, more importantly, for when I erase your existence. I have far more cause for doing it than you ever did.
You?re one of them. You are worse than them. They admit to it all. You? You are just the wolf in the sheep?s clothing. You really believe you are a sheep and you lead everyone else to believe the same.?
In that moment, she closed her eyes and unclenched her hands? She took in a deep breath and let it out slowly, painfully, and felt her feelings ease into something controllable.
She opened her eyes, and she smiled, pleasantly at her waitress. ?Yes. Here?s the money for my water. No, no one else was supposed to be coming. No worries! I wasn't stood up. I just wanted a place to think. You know how that is.? The waitress nodded and gave her a relaxed, warm smile and took the money from her outstretched hand.
She put buttoned up her jacket, wrapped her scarf around her neck, and slipped her gloves on. She stepped from the restaurant; out into the air? tilted her head back and felt the frigid rain beat down on her.
These were the terms.
?You know, I?m not a very angry person. I?m usually not much good at it. I burn out too fast. Depressed? Yeah, I can agree with that. Bitter? Only when I?ve squeezed the life out of lemons so my water matches my mood.?
She watched his eyes look down to her glass. Lemon guts floating between ice cubes. She let her eyes drop to the glass, and she felt the bitter taste returning to her tongue.
She didn?t think it had ever disappeared, truthfully.
She lifted her gaze to his face though, it was important. This was an important moment for her.
?I do, however, find myself angry when someone denies my very existence. As if I were never there. My absence has meant nothing. I was yesterday?s trash. Do you know what that is like??
She felt her lips pull into a wide grin, and venom oozed from between her teeth and dropped to the table with her voice.
?No, no you don?t. You?ve never had to lose. I know. You?re speechless. Right? Of course I am right!? She slapped her hand down on the table, though any good natured humor was missing from her voice and her hand was still itching despite the burn of impact.
?I was right from the god damn start! I was misguided midway. I was desperate as the end neared. I was heartbroken though when it was done. Through and through. You got me good, Sugar. All my defense work was for naught. I always prided myself on my defense work.? Her voice rose steadily, and her eyes grew wide. Her conversational, cool manner was long gone.
?I killed myself through YOU!? She roared the last word, and her hands were balled into fists at her sides. ?I?m waiting for you to lose, and oh you?ll fucking lose hard for this. I?m waiting, more importantly, for when I erase your existence. I have far more cause for doing it than you ever did.
You?re one of them. You are worse than them. They admit to it all. You? You are just the wolf in the sheep?s clothing. You really believe you are a sheep and you lead everyone else to believe the same.?
In that moment, she closed her eyes and unclenched her hands? She took in a deep breath and let it out slowly, painfully, and felt her feelings ease into something controllable.
She opened her eyes, and she smiled, pleasantly at her waitress. ?Yes. Here?s the money for my water. No, no one else was supposed to be coming. No worries! I wasn't stood up. I just wanted a place to think. You know how that is.? The waitress nodded and gave her a relaxed, warm smile and took the money from her outstretched hand.
She put buttoned up her jacket, wrapped her scarf around her neck, and slipped her gloves on. She stepped from the restaurant; out into the air? tilted her head back and felt the frigid rain beat down on her.
These were the terms.
