And God said unto Lazarus, maketh me a greate salade of quinoa, and the earth shall know mine mercy.
And so it came to pass that Lazarus madeth a salade most exalted, whilst the world rejoiced.
"Feed us thine scrumptious salade of Quinoa," the people of the earth, both forceful and fearful alike, called out.
Yea, and Lazarus bore forth the salade many a league, and from the seed of his loins sprung two sons. The first he named Poetus, and the second, Internetus.
Poetus begat Limericus, and Internetus begat Leet'haxxorius. They became wealthy upon the salade of quinoa, and Lazarus happily became an olde man.
Soon they reached the Case of Display upon the Mount, and Lazarus reach'd forth to set the Salade of Quinoa upon the altar.
He knew fear as Satan stepped forth, with ten leagues of demons at his heels.
"Be this the new testament or the olde?"
Lazarus asked.
"The new."
"Shit hath been spray'd in bricks upon mine undergarments."
Satan call'd forth Belial, who had many fearsome heads. One head dashed the salade to the floor, and the other bit out the hearte of Lazarus.
And yea, out of nowhere, Limericus and Leet'haxxorius appeared.
"Show me the bosoms of thine wife, or may fornication drive ye from this place." Satan declared, as his great tree groweth firm and supple.
"Y3 s|-|4ll r35p4wn 0ur f4t|-|3r, 0r m1n3 4rm135 s|-|411 1nf1l7ra7e t|-|1n3 |-|311ish b4s3."
"Contrary to popular belief, my base belongs not to thee." And so it came to pass that Satan ping'd the spindled site of Leet'haxxorius to oblivionne.
Verily, distraught by the deathe of his brother, Limericus came near, tongue trembling with verse.
"There once was a young girl named Dawn
Of the dead, she loved Shaun
And zombies she strafed
Pyramid Head did she rape
Many creatures this night did she pawn."
Forsooth, did Satan shrink away, and yea, Belial spewed forth the skull of Lazarus.
"Behold," spake the skull, "for the Salade of Quinoa is gone."
"Worry not, father. I shall make another in ten markes of the candle, giveth or taketh."
"Why the fuck, then, did this take so long?"
FIN
