Nine months ago, I was displaced. A boy without a cause. Another expression often used to describe the trails and errors of teenage angst can be used to describe my thoughts back then. Simply put; I took this place for granted. I found peace within the physical objects that surround me, and almost immediately, NF became but a dream.

I've never been great at committing myself to things. It requires a great amount of effort for me to continuously put time and space aside for something that is never changing. In a sense, my attitudes of before were tailor-made for me to take various things for granted, and that I did. My desire in life was not to float around in purgatory, but rather, find a place I could call my own. Where acceptance, at least to a certain extent, was a possibility.

I found it this past semester in college. My group of friends changed, and I found myself as a central figure within it; key to the success of the group as a whole. They were intimate and honest, embracing me for who I was rather than who I wasn't. Prior to this discovery, it appeared that I fought myself constantly...to live up to a certain standard that I knew was unattainable. This uphill battle left me heavily wishing for so much more...a life in which borders were not drawn for me, but rather, by me.

My friends remain a static part of my life.

Yet, a day before I returned here to NF, I felt an emptiness when I looked at my bookmark for this place in my firefox browser. It wasn't one of regret; rather...just...pure emptiness. I remembered the days I spent here, toiling over my FC or with my friends on VMs...and after Alex and I reconnected one night...I knew it was time for me to return. I did not know what to expect. I seemed as if people had forgotten I existed; my FC was in dummy's hand and everyone did not seem familiar to me. It was a foreign world, a gaping hole where my life here once was. However, when those who remembered me greeted me warmly...I did not feel special and my ego did not take a moon trip. Rather, I felt the warmest, sincerest feelings of appreciation for them...to accept a deserter such as myself, back into their NF lives as well.

After all these months, NF, at least for me, has remained the same. Although there will be those who will hate me and those who I will never meet here, I am grateful for those who I have met and the special place I may or may not have in their lives.

I'm glad to be back.