I often joke about my inferiority complex, but this isn't a joke.

I must inadvertantly suffer from my own aversions, there I times when I irrevocably hate myself, because I'm not what I wish to be, or don't measure up to others to the degree I find adequate. It's irrational, it's visceral and it's debilitating. It's not always that I am like this, but often it becomes such a prominent feeling in my life, it becomes obtrusive to everything else.

Nothing I do is good enough for me. There are times I feel like I'm so incredibly ill fit for anything I want to engage in, so incredibly inept that I don't want to do anything, I have no desire at all. Those feelings so often border on an inane level of exorbinance, that it seems almost silly that I feel so badly about myself, but it's so incredibly engrained into my mind. Half of the time I don't even know what's wrong with me, why I feel this way, why I hate myself so very much at times. I don't care what anyone tells me, this is not normal.

I rarely have the veracity to hate anything, let alone something as complex as a human being, but that's often how I feel about myself. I hate that I'm not smart enough, good looking, talented, interesting; I'm the poor subject of my own rant, trapped in a pit of self loathing that more than likely stems from those around me, and my egocentric attempts to be better than them, and in turn realizing that I am not.

It's woefully hindering, and I don't even know why. I wake up one morning, and I hate myself, hate being, and despite the fact that I go to sleep smiling, loving life. It's becoming so sporadic I expect uncertainty. And that's just it- I fucking hate depression, I fucking hate inferiority complexes, I fucking hate judgement, I fucking hate inadequecy, I fucking hate sadness, I fucking hate that I can't control it, I fucking hate that I don't understand it, I fucking hate that I've almost accepted it, I fucking hate that I have this problem.

This will be gone soon, I just needed somewhere to vent, and there's nothing like the internet for that.