Anyone that knows me, be it real life or online, knows I am not a careful girl. My feelings are wild and untamed. I function best when I guard myself heavily against others and myself. It's for our protection.
I am not a go with the flow girl deep down. I do not lay down and quietly die, rather I rage and wail and beat my fists against my brow until it is bloodied.
I feel and think passionately. I'm no cool tempered, dulled down version of anything.
I'll burn so bright that I'll blind you, but you'll remember me long after I've gone away. You'll feel the weight of my words- how they gave you meaning and my feelings will wrap around you and keep you warm when the chill of my absence sets in.
I've given you something genuine, and in that I have given you something that easily ninety percent of the population will refuse you outright.
Fearful? Yes. A fortress of walls? Definitely.
It's a fortress under the guise of a park with one gate to get through, and even then that gate seems to be half open. Maybe this deception is something I have developed over the years. It's like luring flies into my spider's web. Once you're caught it's going to be hell for me to let you pull out. I'm so lonely that I am fully aware I can't stay by myself forever, but I will compromise. I will let you in on my terms.
I never claimed to be an easy person. In fact, I know I am one of the most difficult people I know. I am demanding, selfish, possessive, jealous, and envious. I won't settle for part of you. I want all of it. I suppose that others see me as an easy going personality that is more than willing to compromise, but fail to see that my compromise comes at a high price.
The price is you.
I want your desires. Your thoughts. Your attitudes. Your dreams. Your heartbreaks. Your beliefs. Your history. Your memory. I want your drunken ramblings and your broken confessions. I want your sleepy off the cuff remarks and I want you to shout and scream at me in a fit of anger. I want your passion and your fire and I want to show you what it MEANS to burn as bright and as intense as I do. I want a section of your future all to myself, and although you will never give it to me I will demand it with fist raised and ready to strike.
I'll take one step forward and two steps back. One step forward and one step back. One step forward and stay. One step forward. Two steps forward and I'll be shaking like a leaf, weeping, hands out and palms up whilst apologies leap off my tongue in a trembling mass of words.
This is what it means to care. This is what it means to love another. I break my boundries and fight against myself every step of the way because this is what it takes. I promised my loyalty, my care, and my honesty. A promise is a promise.
If you can weather the storm and stay. If you will hold tight to me even when I try to pry your hands from my waist, or I yell at you until my voice is hoarse... It won't be once. It will be in cycles and each time will be more trying than the last. If you can stay though...
I swear you will have me for life.
I am not a go with the flow girl deep down. I do not lay down and quietly die, rather I rage and wail and beat my fists against my brow until it is bloodied.
I feel and think passionately. I'm no cool tempered, dulled down version of anything.
I'll burn so bright that I'll blind you, but you'll remember me long after I've gone away. You'll feel the weight of my words- how they gave you meaning and my feelings will wrap around you and keep you warm when the chill of my absence sets in.
I've given you something genuine, and in that I have given you something that easily ninety percent of the population will refuse you outright.
Fearful? Yes. A fortress of walls? Definitely.
It's a fortress under the guise of a park with one gate to get through, and even then that gate seems to be half open. Maybe this deception is something I have developed over the years. It's like luring flies into my spider's web. Once you're caught it's going to be hell for me to let you pull out. I'm so lonely that I am fully aware I can't stay by myself forever, but I will compromise. I will let you in on my terms.
I never claimed to be an easy person. In fact, I know I am one of the most difficult people I know. I am demanding, selfish, possessive, jealous, and envious. I won't settle for part of you. I want all of it. I suppose that others see me as an easy going personality that is more than willing to compromise, but fail to see that my compromise comes at a high price.
The price is you.
I want your desires. Your thoughts. Your attitudes. Your dreams. Your heartbreaks. Your beliefs. Your history. Your memory. I want your drunken ramblings and your broken confessions. I want your sleepy off the cuff remarks and I want you to shout and scream at me in a fit of anger. I want your passion and your fire and I want to show you what it MEANS to burn as bright and as intense as I do. I want a section of your future all to myself, and although you will never give it to me I will demand it with fist raised and ready to strike.
I'll take one step forward and two steps back. One step forward and one step back. One step forward and stay. One step forward. Two steps forward and I'll be shaking like a leaf, weeping, hands out and palms up whilst apologies leap off my tongue in a trembling mass of words.
This is what it means to care. This is what it means to love another. I break my boundries and fight against myself every step of the way because this is what it takes. I promised my loyalty, my care, and my honesty. A promise is a promise.
If you can weather the storm and stay. If you will hold tight to me even when I try to pry your hands from my waist, or I yell at you until my voice is hoarse... It won't be once. It will be in cycles and each time will be more trying than the last. If you can stay though...
I swear you will have me for life.
