I want you feel the burns on my cheeks. I want your eyes to be as blue as my eyes are. I want you to feel the weight of my rings and the fullness of my lips pressed together offering what they can't give.

I want to paint the flecks of green in your eyes. I want to stroke over your eyelids and kiss your brow with reds and browns. I want to comb back your hair from your pale face, for there is no shame with me. I want to graze red over your pale skin and make it come back to life. I want to tenderly pull the shadows across your neck and your delicate collarbone.

I want to wash your feet, drawing in lines that tell where you have been and how hard it was. I want to scrape the pallet knife across your back. I want to catch the slight curve of your hips and the thiness of your body yet fullness under the skin.

I don't want your body. I want what made me paint you.

I'll make you more beautiful than you ever thought you could be.

I'll make you mine.

I remember the exact circumstances under which I wrote this. I was feeling... very inspired by Mr. Jordan. At three am and after two days of no sleep and some heavy reading I didn't rightly care what I was writing exactly. Of course I've never pursued writing, it was only meant to document a feeling.

I lusted after the person that he was and the person he could be. It had nothing to do with his actual appearance, but painting the figure can be for some- as it is for me in some cases, an intimate experience and a very subjective one. It can also be a way of showing dominance. "I choose how to paint you and I choose how I see you."

I think I just desperately wanted a way to document what person he was, and how I saw him. I always liked painting myself and drawing myself because it allowed me to be brutally honest. I could draw myself with thoughts and intentions in mind about all the things I couldn't say. Everyone could see it, but only I knew what it meant and that was special. I liked the duality it presented. Just as I never wanted to actually be intimate with Mr. Jordan, but I could be psychologically intimate with what I felt was deeply attractive in an enviroment and through a medium I was comfortable with and secure in.