Disclaimer: It says BLADDER in the title, if you don't like this type of subject, go elsewhere. Also, my arms are numb from the cold, pardon the excessive typos.
So today while I was driving to my second job, out of nowhere, my bladder decided to declare WAR on me. However, I was already on the freeway and I was tight on time and needed to get to work so I thought, "Hey I can probably hold it and make it in time."
I drove for another 10 minutes and exited into the local streets. For some peculiar reason, there were more dips, speed bumps, and potholes than normal. With each little bump and dip, I felt my bladder going on the offensive and I increasingly wanted to wave my white flag and surrender. However, I'm better than that....I think.
Anyways, I arrive at the parking lot and found absolutely no spaces and had to drive two blocks down and park in a distant and secluded parking lot. At that point I decided I was going to borrow the bathroom of the closest museum and just use theirs instead. What museum was near me? The Veterans Memorial Museum. FUCK. Don't I feel like a dipshit now? Why couldn't it have been the Ruben H Fleet Center or the Sports Champions Hall instead? I had to pick something as serious and patriotic as that to go potty?
But, my bladder was really annoying me and I had to go inside and ask in pure shame. The veteran greeting me was warm, congenial, and polite. What a doll, I want to take him home now. So I go to the very end of the museum and find their bathroom. I release what seems like a gallon of lemonade and felt the greatest relief of my life. Then I look in the mirror, fix my hair, and look down only to realize that the top half of my shirt was completely unbottoned exposing my cleavage to the world. I walked through the ENTIRE museum flashing everyone.
So my bladder got the final laugh in the end. Fuck him/her/it.
