( Switching Blog over to here, A quick reference: Kid= Oldest Child, Child = Middle Child, Baby = Youngest )
Please, trust me. I am no liar. But what I am about to tell you will come to such a shock that it may put you into a diabetic coma.
You see, on Wednesday, Baby has been alive for two years randomly. Personally I think he is lying and it's only been a few months but he insists that he is going to be two.
However I will be the one ordering the cake and putting the writing on the cake.. so we'll see who is right.
I have a wager with him, if the cake says two, I have to watch the full Doodblebops DVD every morning for a week. If he is only a few months old then we don't have to watch a Doodlebops episode for a whole week.
I'm glad I'm going to win though, the main characters are all homosexuals and not afraid to make this clear. I'm not even entirely sure that DeeDee doodle is a woman. The pink underwear could just be a coverup.
Don't be fooled.
Anyways.
Baby having a birthday is the start of my problems today.
You see, when one of these little people have birthdays, the others also have to get a small gift. Nothing flashy, just something for they don't feel like they are neglected.
I tried telling Wife that it's important for them to feel neglected. If they don't they may get the crazy idea in their heads that someone actually likes them.
We don't want that now.
Well a few threats later, Wife managed to convince me these little things do actually need to feel like someone cares.
So Wife goes out to get these gifts and comes back with a board game.
Me: Sweet, I get a gift too.
*nab*
Wife: That's Ethan's
Me: Who?
Wife:.. The Kid
Me: oooo KID, but it says 6 and up, he is only 4
Wife: He's 9...
Me: And I'm 24
Wife: HE IS 9!
I figured I'd just let her beleive what she wants at this point. I knew the truth, not important if she doesn't.
The game she had bought was 'Sorry', which translates to 'Take that fucker!'
I was coaxed into playing this game, even though it wasn't for me.
I was green.
Now in this game you have to move around the board using cards instead of dice. You have to get a certain number to start moving around though and if you get a 'Take that you FUCKER' card, you can paralyse a foe and move them back to the start.
It seemed fun, everything was going well when.
Me: oo i got one of those fucker cards. I guess I'll fuck you Wife
Wife: You will never fuck me. not even in your dreams.
Me: The card demands it, do not anger the card
So I move her piece back to the start and she does not seem to be amused by this.
I then randomly get another 'fucker' card. I figure it's best to share the misfortune and choose to ruin Kids life. This way I am being an equal oppurtunist player. I'm just nice like that.
They do not see my actions in this light.
What started as a family fun game becomes an all out war. Unfortunately I was dealt the Iraq card.
I had to be defeated
I had to be taken down
I tried claiming that Child had framed me, that I was just joking about and didn't really have any of the fucker cards. It was all futile though, Wife had become Gordon Brown and Kid, George Bush. They knew I had oil and they wanted it. No matter what I said they were going to destroy my pieces.
I guess the only good thing about this was that Kid was playing America a little too seriously and actually ended up taking out some of his own pieces.
I put up a good fight but in the end was defeated by shear numbers.
Next time Child has promised he will help me. Apparantly he knows some people who know some people and he can make sure I'm equiped for my next battle. He said something about rigging their pieces with miniture explosives, but after I explained that I can't be certain of what color I'd be he came to the conclusion that doing so could be risky.
My advice for the week.
Never play 'Sorry', for you will be... well...
regretful.
Please, trust me. I am no liar. But what I am about to tell you will come to such a shock that it may put you into a diabetic coma.
You see, on Wednesday, Baby has been alive for two years randomly. Personally I think he is lying and it's only been a few months but he insists that he is going to be two.
However I will be the one ordering the cake and putting the writing on the cake.. so we'll see who is right.
I have a wager with him, if the cake says two, I have to watch the full Doodblebops DVD every morning for a week. If he is only a few months old then we don't have to watch a Doodlebops episode for a whole week.
I'm glad I'm going to win though, the main characters are all homosexuals and not afraid to make this clear. I'm not even entirely sure that DeeDee doodle is a woman. The pink underwear could just be a coverup.
Don't be fooled.
Anyways.
Baby having a birthday is the start of my problems today.
You see, when one of these little people have birthdays, the others also have to get a small gift. Nothing flashy, just something for they don't feel like they are neglected.
I tried telling Wife that it's important for them to feel neglected. If they don't they may get the crazy idea in their heads that someone actually likes them.
We don't want that now.
Well a few threats later, Wife managed to convince me these little things do actually need to feel like someone cares.
So Wife goes out to get these gifts and comes back with a board game.
Me: Sweet, I get a gift too.
*nab*
Wife: That's Ethan's
Me: Who?
Wife:.. The Kid
Me: oooo KID, but it says 6 and up, he is only 4
Wife: He's 9...
Me: And I'm 24
Wife: HE IS 9!
I figured I'd just let her beleive what she wants at this point. I knew the truth, not important if she doesn't.
The game she had bought was 'Sorry', which translates to 'Take that fucker!'
I was coaxed into playing this game, even though it wasn't for me.
I was green.
Now in this game you have to move around the board using cards instead of dice. You have to get a certain number to start moving around though and if you get a 'Take that you FUCKER' card, you can paralyse a foe and move them back to the start.
It seemed fun, everything was going well when.
Me: oo i got one of those fucker cards. I guess I'll fuck you Wife
Wife: You will never fuck me. not even in your dreams.
Me: The card demands it, do not anger the card
So I move her piece back to the start and she does not seem to be amused by this.
I then randomly get another 'fucker' card. I figure it's best to share the misfortune and choose to ruin Kids life. This way I am being an equal oppurtunist player. I'm just nice like that.
They do not see my actions in this light.
What started as a family fun game becomes an all out war. Unfortunately I was dealt the Iraq card.
I had to be defeated
I had to be taken down
I tried claiming that Child had framed me, that I was just joking about and didn't really have any of the fucker cards. It was all futile though, Wife had become Gordon Brown and Kid, George Bush. They knew I had oil and they wanted it. No matter what I said they were going to destroy my pieces.
I guess the only good thing about this was that Kid was playing America a little too seriously and actually ended up taking out some of his own pieces.
I put up a good fight but in the end was defeated by shear numbers.
Next time Child has promised he will help me. Apparantly he knows some people who know some people and he can make sure I'm equiped for my next battle. He said something about rigging their pieces with miniture explosives, but after I explained that I can't be certain of what color I'd be he came to the conclusion that doing so could be risky.
My advice for the week.
Never play 'Sorry', for you will be... well...
regretful.
